I feel like I need to apologize on this blog for my continuous absence. It’s weird. It’s understandable. I want me to keep this blog going. This mom thing has me whipped.
I have no idea how all those fancy mom bloggers do it. I hardly have time to stop for a bathroom break and eat lunch, let alone come up with new content that’s interesting besides…”I got to eat my lunch uninterrupted” or “Top 10 I can do with two hours to myself”. Don’t get me wrong I love being a mom, but I sure do miss when locking myself in the bathroom and soaking in the tub with a face mask on wasn’t a luxury from Father Time.
We’ve all heard it (because it’s true), but babies are a full-time job…and beyond. Now that Weston is three months old and a little more “mature”, I’m feeling a bit like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon. Life is a little easier and I’m starting to gain my bearings as a mom– spreading my wings, so to speak.
I’m realizing that I can do this.
But had you spoken to me after the first month, I probably would have cried…mostly because I did cry….the first two weeks.
The First Month
No matter how many books is no books, videos…no classes, and no words of advice that can fully prepare you for what to expect. This baby has you captive and he will torture you until your breaking point. Sleep? gone. Food? Only what you can grab with one hand and shove in your mouth with the other.
The sleep deprivation was unimaginable. Breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Like, EVER! Of course, Weston is absolutely adorable, and he smells amazing and made the sweetest little newborn grunts, and never in my life have I known the rush of love that would fill my entire being until meeting him. But, in that first month, I found motherhood difficult and people’s constant “advice” was making me feel adequate and useless. But I was filled with so much anxiety…and needed just a few people to give me the best advice get “mother knows best”. And you are the only one who is in tune with your babies needs and you need to do what you feel is best. I did take naturally to the role after a while. But I was miserable at times. After two weeks you start to feel as if you have a really clingy baby. And I didn’t mind that so much as I enjoy and still do enjoy when Weston falls asleep on me. Now it’s slowly becoming more difficult to get him to sleep on my chest. But that was my best memory to date. Cuddling for days in the hospital just falling in love and holding I’m extra close. So I held him and held him. I never worried about a “clingy baby” I always felt happy he wanted to be by me and I felt the same. For the first month, he literally lived on me. I wore him everywhere. To his credit, he slept a lot during these days and I now look back and wasted my time worrying about him sleeping too much rather than enjoying the. sleep he seemed to be getting that I so desperately wanted at the time.
The first month was the learning curve– the highs are high and the lows are low, but once you achieve that first month, you start to realize that you’re all going to be okay.
The Second Month
Month two, while still pretty difficult, got significantly easier. When I started researching baby-led scheduling I was starting to feel less worried and afraid and more time enjoying the days with Weston. He normally falls asleep at the same time at night and gets up around the same time every morning. Sometimes his naps are longer while others are short. He eats when he is hungry and sleeps when he is tired. Scheduling a baby on a routine works for some parents and like myself, all days are different than the next. Since starting baby-led routines I have been able to get Weston to sleep just about anywhere and he sleeps through noise quite easily and isn’t disturbed easily when sleeping. While breastfeeding I found joining this with feeding on demand it has made our bond even that much closer and I feel really in tune with his needs and wants. I have also been walking regularly and joined A baby sling dance fitness class that I loved but unfortunately in October that falls on the same day as baby massage so I will be going back at it come winter!
Besides these classes, I have been attending a lovely Breastfeeding Cafe on Mondays and found it to help me to meet other new moms (mums) and breastfeeding support. Breastfeeding is an achievement that I will always be proud of. Because it was so difficult and I knew little about it that made the first four days hell on earth. But Weston’s sleep patterns continued to be great since finding out about co-sleeping and laying down while breastfeeding. Interrupted sleep is sleep nonetheless. And every little bit helped. Weston began “giving back”. And he smiled from ear to ear when he would see me first thing in the morning, which made my heart explode each and he began cooing and making more deliberate sounding noises mainly when Daddy got home from work. These little gestures helped me feel so much more connected with him. And in those early days, all you really want is some reassurance that you’re doing the right thing, that your baby is happy and that you’re not a big failure!
The Third Month
As we approached that 12-week mark, Weston’s personality was definitely showing through. We felt like we finally knowing him as a person (if that makes any sense) He wasn’t just cute and sweet and all of those obvious baby things– she was goofy and so aware, and he seemed so wise and loved to watch people around him in conversations and often feel asleep in my arms as I chatted away with friends. Weston is also very physically adept. He has always held his head up with ease. Like most babies, he has a preferred Side to lay on and we have been playing with toys and helping him strengthen his neck muscles. I am constantly blown away by his development. It feels like I wake up one morning and he’s been practising skills in his sleep to show me the next day. If there is any part of motherhood/parenthood that never ceases to amaze me, it’s the gift of watching life develop before your eyes. I almost can’t put it into words. It is truly amazing to see (and feel) human growth.